


Suicide is not the answer

by merciless_mercy



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Depression, Other, Stream of Consciousness, Suicide Attempt, all the grammatical errors, no editor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-11-15 19:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11237841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merciless_mercy/pseuds/merciless_mercy
Summary: Sometimes you just want everything to stop... You try to take it into your own hands.





	1. Just Let Go

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm having different characters save us. Each chapter will be a different person or situation. I'm up for suggestions.

Sometimes you forget you're sad. You forget you feel empty, and lost, and alone. You know it's not true- you have friends and family that care about you. But as you stood on the bridge, staring down at the river below you found you couldn't care.

You weren't crying or hysterical, just eerily calm looking at the dark water shifting below you. The rushing of the rapids a pleasant sound as you contemplated death. Again. This time you were sure.

You stripped off your favorite top, and laid it on the ground next to your bike. You pulled out your note and placed your phone on top of it. Even if someone stole your phone, it was in your queue. So they wouldn't waste the police's time looking for you, when you wouldn't be here anymore. Just a corpse, devoid of life.

You took a quick breath as the tears stung your eyes. In the brisk fall air, you were cold-but it didn't matter because in your heart you were numb.

You breathed in and out slowly and pulled yourself onto the ledge, it was actually pretty hard. They'd raised the bridge's guard after the last suicide. It gave you plenty of time to think. To ponder. Were you sure, absolutely positive this was what you wanted? That was why you'd chosen this location. You figured the time to climb the edge would be enough for you to figure if you really wanted to do this.

You stood tall on the edge, holding onto a beam for support as you took in the sight of the river with new eyes. Just a few feet made all the difference, and you hugged the beam.

You took some more breaths. No more worries or anxieties, you wouldn't have to wonder what was wrong with you, you wouldn't have to try so hard for nothing. You wouldn't be able to think about how broken you were. Your brain wouldn't be torn in two as you contemplated how you were both worthless and worthwhile.

One more breath. It would be so easy just to let go, fall into the turbulent waters below.

Just let go...

 


	2. Papyrus

As soon as gravity pulled you, you were hit with two realizations. One: This was a mistake- you didn't want to die. You just wanted to cease to exist. Your family would be devastated, and two.

It was too late.

Time seemed to go in slow motion as your sad life flitted across your mind. Too late to convince you that you were wrong.

Then you just, stopped falling. You couldn't understand as you shifted, looking to and fro.

You were surrounded in a warm orange light, slowly you drifted back up the way you'd fallen. Back over the ledge and gently onto the sidewalk. You could have sworn that your heart had stopped pumping in your freefall, but it returned to work in vigor. It felt like you might be having a heart attack.

You flinched when a pair of red boots came into your vision, and your head snapped up to see a skeletal monster. You stared in awe as a faint orange light was still fading from his right eye.

“Papyrus?” you asked in shock. What was the skeleton doing there?

“HUMAN? DIDN'T YOU KNOW THAT WAS A VERY DANGEROUS PLACE?” he asked, his smile strained.

He walked up to where you were sitting and knelt down to hug you. He wrapped his arms around you tightly. Why was he shaking? No. You were shaking, you were shaking as tears trailed down your face. A grimace took hold of your features as you tried to hold your breath, tried to stop. You didn't want to cry, especially not in front of Papyrus- but when he started rocking you to and fro you dissolved into a mess of sobs. You clutched at the skeleton's clothes for dear life, and all but screamed into his shoulder.

Your lungs pulling in all the air you'd forgotten to breathe when you were falling.

You didn't want to be alive anymore, you didn't want to worry anymore- but more than that you wished that you didn't exist right now- because you'd shown a side of you to the skeleton that you never had before. You'd unintentionally made him look death in the face. He didn't deserve seeing you jump.

“I-I'm SoRRy!!” you wailed, clutching to the skeleton tighter. “I'm so SORRY!” You cried.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry” It became your mantra as you held onto your friend. You were sorry you'd jumped, sorry you were alive, sorry you were done, sorry you that the thought of your friends and family hadn't stopped you. Sorry sorry sorry …

The entire time he just held you close, patting your head, rubbing your back, or rocking you... but never letting go. You felt disgusting for being so happy that he stayed with you. But so thankful that he'd caught you. You hadn't even known he could do that kind of magic.

He held you until your sobs devolved into hiccups and you leaned out of his grasp. Your eyes were so dry from the crying session. The skeleton just cupped your face in his gloved hands and sighed, brushing your hair out of your face.

You placed your hand on top of his and closed your eyes, reveling in the warmth of his hands.

“HUMAN....” You looked into his eyes and you could feel his worry radiating off of him. You smiled up at him in spite everything you were feeling and reached up to cup his face in your hand.

“It's okay.” You lied. “Everything is fine.” your voice a harsh whisper as you tried fruitlessly to reassure the skeleton. You knew there was no undoing what he'd seen.

His face scrunched up and he frowned. You hadn't ever actually seen him frown before, and you felt bad that you had had anything to do with bringing that expression to his face.

“Human...” He continued softly. Softer than you had ever heard him speak. What if he was upset with you? You wouldn't doubt it, but... you didn't want to disappoint him.

He cleared his throat tentatively, no way you didn't notice that. “HUMAN YOU MUST BE COLD”. You were suddenly aware of what you were wearing, or rather. What you were not wearing. You wrapped your arms around yourself. They were much colder than the surprisingly warm arms of your friend.

He stood up and walked over to your bike where your shirt was. You hugged yourself tighter, it was so cold tonight, why had you thought this was a good idea. You didn't know. The skeleton returned with your shirt in hand and had the decency to look away as you slipped it on.

“LET US GO TO MY HOUSE HUMAN! IT IS WARMER THERE....”

You didn't really feel like you had a right to turn him down, he had just saved your life. The life you never wanted, but still. He saved it.

You stood up, went over to your bike, and picked up your phone before canceling the suicide note. You didn't want to worry your friends.... funny how now you cared. You wiped at your face and pulled your bike up to Papyrus's side. You nodded to him and followed him to his car that you hadn't noticed.

He had to put down the convertible's top to put your bike in the back seat. And he couldn't close it afterward so you guys had to deal with the wind the short 5 minute drive to his house. You lost yourself in the sensation of the wind burning the trails on your face and every square inch of skin that was exposed to the element whipping about the car. By the time you make it to the skeleton's home, you're absolutely sure you couldn't be any warmer what with all the blood rushing back to the surface of your skin.

Pap parked in the garage and led you inside.

The drive over had been quiet, too quiet compared to what you were used to...

“Would you believe me if I said I wanted to go for a swim?” you asked, looking down at the ground. Papyrus glanced back at you.

“I AM GOING TO MAKE SOME HOT CHOCOLATE HUMAN. CAN YOU WAIT ON THE COUCH?”

Again, what else would you do? You make your way wordlessly over to the couch and plop down as the skeleton went about his business. You picked up a decorative pillow and held it to your chest, pondering your day and the decisions that had landed you here. You were just so ashamed.

Papyrus soon returned with two steaming mugs in his hands, he hands you one before sitting on the floor in front of you. You blew at the steam rather then addressing the seating arrangement.

“HUMAN..”

“WHEN DID YOU START FEELING BAD?” he asked.

You aren't sure what you had expected- not a question like that, that's for sure. You pulled your legs up to your chin. The real question was, were you going to tell this cinnamon roll the truth?

“I can't remember when....” you say.

He hummed in response. “WHEN DID IT START GETTING WORSE?”

“Maybe it's just always?” you tried not to think about it.

An uncharacteristic silence settled over you both, you looked up into the eye sockets of the caring skeleton. He wasn't giving you any looks, he just sat their patiently. Waiting to hear what you had to say. You clung to the pillow a little tighter, looked around the room. Anywhere but those caring eye-sockets. But, you couldn't escape the feeling of them on you. The feeling in the warmth of the hot chocolate that he'd made for you in your hand. He just wanted the best for you, and you were tired of trying to hide it.

Your grip lessened on the pillow and you took a deep breath.

“I'm broken Papyrus....” you mumbled. “I have been for a long time.” You brought the cup of cocoa up to your nose.

“I just fake really well I guess” you laughed bitterly.

The silence lingered a bit, you looked back up at Papyrus, tears were in his eyes and god-FUCK NO.

“Oh god I'm sorry Pap.” you whined. “Please don't cry, you don't deserve that. You were so nice to help me, and you're such a great person, and please don't cry.” you didn't think you had any tears left, but they burned down your face as you reached out to the skeleton tentatively.

“HUMAN...YOU'RE SO STRONG!” You reeled in the return of Pap's typical volume and tone of adoration, then looked at him, dumbfounded.

“What makes you say _that_?! You saw what I _did_!” you argued. You were the opposite of strong. You were going to end it all. You didn't care about your family- your friends!

“I'M A H-HORRIBLE PERSON!” you said resolutely. You would not be swayed, the world would be better off without you that was the only way.... the only way you could.....

Papyrus grabbed the hand that you had dropped earlier.

“I'm...”

“YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON.”

“Am I?” you just wanted to hear it again. You had had to reaffirm your worthlessness to make it to that ledge, you had had to make your end seem like a favor. But you knew it wasn't true deep down..

“YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK.”

You hiccuped quietly as Papyrus took the cup from your hand and placed it on the coffee table.

“I am g-.” you had to breath. “I am a good person?” you asked.

“YES. A VERY GOOD PERSON!”

“How do you know?” You knew you weren't as bad as you made yourself out to be. But...

“BECAUSE YOU ARE MY FRIEND!” he grinned up at you.

“YOU DON'T HURT ANYONE, YOU HELP OTHERS, YOU ARE GOOD” sitting up on his knees he pulled you into an awkward hug.

You dropped the pillow in your hands and wrapped your arms around your friend, feeling warm and fuzzy and-

“PLEASE KNOW YOU DON'T HAVE TO FACE THIS ALONE, HUMAN.”

You nodded into his shoulder and stayed a while, enjoying the close contact- you had also cut yourself off from your loved ones when you were thinking this over. You had been so upset that they hadn't noticed the distance you put between them. Rationalized that if they really cared they'd reach out, and when they didn't it was proof that you weren't needed.... but when they asked you had reassured them. So unable to talk about the demons that were eating you alive. But here was one, and when he learned that you needed help he hadn't scorned you. People care, and you are worth something...

You leaned back from the hug to look papyrus in the eye-sockets, and you smiled the most genuine you'd had in a long, long while.

“Thank you. Thank you so much for catching me.”

 


	3. Gaster

But- you couldn't.

Your breath stuttered, and you screamed, crumpling on the edge to cry.

Scream upon scream ripped themselves from your throat until it was raw and it hurt to breathe. Why were you here, why had you been born, why couldn't you just phase out of reality? Your friends and family didn't deserve to hear of you dying, but you didn't want to keep staying alive for their sake- couldn't you just.... cease to exist?

Everyone deserved so much better than you, but here you were. Wanting it all to just stop. Even if it hurt those you loved. Your nails clawed into the flesh of your shoulders, reminding you that you were still here.

Your chest heaved and you buried your face in your knees, tears flowing silently down your face as you shivered in the rough wind.

You should probably get down and cancel the note that was going to post itself. But you were drained from crying so hard. You hardly had the inclination to wet your throat let alone climb down from the fence. So you shivered involuntarily as hope for a swift end eluded you once again.

Don't know how long you sat there, apparently long enough that your blood felt almost like fire in your veins. Your tears long dried by the insistent wind.

You got up slowly, you could almost feel your muscles and joints creaking from inactivity, and leaned against the pole once more. You'd leave feeling dead again. But you'd have to pretend you hadn't just gone out to kill yourself once you get home. They couldn't know, you wouldn't let them.

"▌▌▌▌▌▌ ▌▌▌▌ ▌▌▌▌▌"

The sound ripped you out of your reverie and you turned abruptly. But your body wasn't working the way it was supposed to and you soon felt gravity take hold.

Your molten blood turned freezing as you realized you were actually going to die. This bridge was high. Either you were going to die as soon as you hit the ground- or you'd survive and drown in the rapids. Your only response was to curl up in a ball and close your eyes shut. You couldn't even scream.

But your decent came to a slow halt. The wind was no longer whipping past you and you wondered if you were already dead. If god had shown some kind of mercy and just not let you feel death, or at least not remember it.

You uncurled enough to see the rapids become further and further away through a faint film of off-white... you were moving back up to the bridge. Before you knew it you had floated over the fence and were sitting on the bridge's sidewalk. You stared at your hands as a wave of disappointment ran through you. It'd almost happened without you having to think about it. It would have been an accident. But the stinging of the air was all too please to remind you that you were still here.

You slouched, tears coming without warning. Silently you just sat there crying.

“▌▌▌▌▌▌ ▌▌▌ ▌▌▌▌▌▌▌"

Your head moved slowly to face the noise. There was a skeleton in front of you was shrouded in black and you laughed bitterly.

“This isn't fair, if death is sabotaging me. I don't have a chance” you looked pensively at the sidewalk.

“Couldn't you just do me a favor and grant my wish?”

“Can't I just- never have existed? Can you fix this?” you said looking back up at them.

“I don't want to hurt anyone” you voice began whining as the hysteria came back and you began to sob “But I don't want to be here, it's not fair!” You slammed your hands onto the concrete below you, you could feel your pulse in them. The pulse you had wanted to stop.

You were surprised when they put their hand on your shoulder. They also handed back your shirt.

You turned to look them in the eye-sockets- they were still standing a ways away from were you sat on the ground. That's when you noticed that the hands weren't connected to anything. But somehow that wasn't surprising. You pulled the shirt over your head obediently, but didn't move to get up.

Instead you marveled at your hands. You'd managed to rub off enough skin that they were bleeding and raw. You slammed them against the ground again, automatically catching yourself right before contact so it didn't hurt as much. “It's amazing how the body stop you from hurting yourself...” You said quietly. “It makes what I have to do so hard...”

You look at the figure again, the pain helping you see through the fog that was there for so long. It let you feel fear sitting in front of this... no-face figure that you could barely see. Finally you stood up, brushing yourself off as you walked toward them despite the alarms going off in your head. Despite their otherworldly appearance, they shifted away from you. You had more reason to be afraid of them then them of you...

“▌▌▌▌▌ ▌▌▌ ▌▌▌▌▌▌▌ ▌▌▌ ▌▌▌▌▌ ▌▌▌▌ ▌▌▌▌ ▌▌▌▌▌"

The again, there wasn't any merit to that fear, they'd saved your life after all

“ ▌▌▌▌▌"

Your phone screeched behind you, your looked the monster in front of you over one more time before making your way over to the device.

The screen was shifting around, you wrestled with it a moment and the screen turned black. You sighed. Great...first your suicide failed, and now your phone wasn't working.

You tried the power button one more time and you saw a strange chat screen open. Despite your apathy, you found yourself being interested...? Yes interested in what this was, curious about the cause. The only thing your could see on the screen was STOP. You tried to type something but found that you couldn't that was such bullshit. What kind of chat doesn't let you talk?

“▌▌▌▌ ▌▌ ▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌ ▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌▌” 

That voice, speaking that weird broken language was so close, but you were distracted by how weird symbols flitted on the screen before decoding itself into English... or at least that's what it looked like from your perspective. 'What an interesting device...' appeared. You turned around to find the creature right behind you. You let out a yelp and shifted away.

“▌▌▌ ▌▌▌▌▌▌”

He shifted further away, and your phone screeched again. But you found yourself staring at them, they were actually a large blob, the substance seemed to be continually shifting. Dripping off before rejoining the rest of the mass. You looked back to your phone to find 'I'm sorry.'. Curious...

“You have such a weird language...” you utter. Way to be a dick. But he'd sabotaged you so feck it.

He looked back to the device before talking.

“▌▌ ▌▌▌▌ ▌▌▌▌▌ ▌▌▌▌ ▌▌▌▌▌▌▌ ▌▌▌▌ ▌▌▌▌▌” 

You joined him in looking down 'It just takes some getting used to...' He grabbed your phone from your hand. He turned it to and fro, examining it curiously. He held the screen out as he spoke. His smile stretching somehow.

'This is seems pretty useful! Can you understand this text?' You could still hear the glitching sounds that seemed to make up his language echoing in your mind, but you could read the screen. His joy rubbed you the wrong way though. You were still salty that you weren't dead yet. How did you convey this to the blob in front of you? You let out a huff of air. “Yes I can read it.” You said gruffly. Again, he felt... happy and you were _mad_.

“Now the real question is. Why did you stop me?” you hissed, taking a step toward him.

Again, the mass shifted away- you were having none of that. You grabbed a fistful of sludge- or at least you tried to. You managed to phase through the fucker. You glared at your hand and heard him warble and your phone whined. You begrudgingly looked at the phone he faced toward you. 'A life is a horrible thing to waste.'

You look back up at this creature and glowered at him. “How do you know?” you spat.

“People say that all the DAMN time but they never say _why._ ” You had had the thoughts bombarding you for the last year or so. Nothing helped. You were so tired of pushing yourself past the limits you didn't have to begin with. “Maybe the world WOULD be better off without me! Maybe _I_ would be better off without exist-” An unholy coldness settled around you. You couldn't feel the wind, the air around you had stilled. And the blob's face... The previously barely noticeable cracks on it's face opened angrily as he frowned and stretched to loom over you.. The screen on your phone flickered in and out as he spoke.

'NOT EXISTING IS THE WORST FATE ANYONE COULD EXPERIENCE.' His voice rang in your head, you covered your ears but it still resonated in your mind. You shook in your shoes.

'WILLFULLY WISHING FOR IT IS FOOLHARDY AND STUPID!'

“SO WHAT if it's stupid?!”You yelled back, tears burning your eyes again. You were afraid of him now, but this was the only person you could talk with now. “I DON'T WANT TO HURT ANYONE!!!” you screeched turning to look at the ground as you shook and fell to your knees. “I figure, it'd be better if they didn't know I was ever here. Because then they don't have to be sad....” You whispered in the still wind. The chill around you wavered.

“Even... even if I stay somewhere between everything. Even if it killed me knowing that they _could_ live without me.” Your voice cracked.

You look edup again. His face isn't ripping itself apart anymore.

“I'll take the pain, I deserve it for wanting it all to end....” You hiccuped, wiping at your eyes. Your chest heaved as you breathed heavily. “But I don't want that _either_!” you devolved into ugly, messy sobs. “I just don't want to hurt anymore. Why is that so bad. Why is it so hard?” You wrapped your hands around yourself as your forehead met with the concrete. Your body shaking with desperate sobs.

Time passed slowly and the heavy atmosphere seemed to melt away, around you. Despite your crying you looked up at this stranger. He had returned to his more compact, squishy form.

He spoke again. 'I thought the same thing you did....' He flattened to the floor more, probably sitting down. 'But. It passes.... There is nothing more than I want, but for my family to remember me....Even to see me...'

You took slow measured breathes trying to calm down, but stared at him questioningly.

'But it's too late for me now... it can't be fixed.'

“Are you saying...” You swallowed thickly, your voice sounding hoarse to your own ears. “Are you saying... that you're not on this plane?”

His white mask nodded.

“So you made it to the void? You succeeded in phasing out of reality...” You noted. He nodded again.

“How am I talking to you then?” You chuckled in spite yourself. “That kinda defeats the purpose of the void I'd think.” You said.

'I... I don't know why you can see me.... or hear me...' He pondered quietly.'You are the first one. None of the monsters underground could see me and above ground... humans shouldn't be able to hear me, let alone see me.'

You reached forward again, tentatively, and marveled at how your hand made contact with nothing. But you were overcome with an idea. You focused on something being there you could feel the thrumming of _something_ in the goop, like electricity? And it was slippery and-

Another screech torn through the silence as he shot up and away from you.

'THAT- shouldn't have happened.' You read from the phone he had left in his wake. Then you raised your arms in surrender

“Sorry.” you said “I just wanted to see if I _could_ touch you.” That sounded creepy even to your own ears. “Sorry , I should have asked.” You absently fidgeted with your fingers. As the silence stretched on you found yourself becoming really nervous. What if you had just done something SUPER inappropriate? You needed a distraction.

“What do you mean by.... other monsters?” You blurted.

He seemed to hesitate. You couldn't imagine why though. You'd only _probably_ molested the bugger.

“I thought monsters.... weren't real? Just literary elements used to teach kids things with fear.”

He smiled sadly, disembodied hands held the phone up to your eye-line. 'Monsters are real, and they have been trapped for an eternity underground.'

That sounded horrible. For how much you had wanted everything to stop, you had respites up here. There were so many things to do, swimming, lax star gazing, watching the seasons change. You couldn't imagine being stuck underground without any of that.

“Why would you refer to yourselves that way?” you asked.

He tilted his head quizzically before realization donned his features. 'Humans made the term derogatory.' he clarified.

You hummed in understanding, humans did have a history of doing that kinda shit.

“Are they one another plane too?”

'No. They are on this one. Just a ways down into the ground.'

You stood up from the floor slowly, finally trusting your legs to hold you up when a honk tore through the air. You barely managed to dodge out of the way of an oncoming car. Had you really been having this discussion in the _middle_ of the road? Also. WHY DID YOU DODGE? You laughed. You had been so ready to die earlier... Been foiled by Mr.Void over- you looked over to where he was standing and he'd been right in the middle of the path of the car. Well that verified one of two things. Either he was actually on some void plane. Or you were going bat-shit insane.

'That's a bit crude. Also, I pulled saved you from the rapids. That should prove enough.'

“Did I say that out loud?”

'Yes' he hummed.

“Sorry....” You murmured.

You walked over to your bike. There was something you wanted to ask him about. “So there are more monsters?”

He nodded.

“And they include your family?”

'yes, my two sons.'

You fiddled with the handlebars. You were so tired, but... under all that... you felt something you hadn't felt in a long time. Maybe you were just pulling shit outta your ass now. Maybe all that crying had finally broken something. But you felt like maybe.... you could help... it was the same instinct that had made you touch the monster.

“What's your name?” you asked quietly.

'Gaster.'

You looked back into his eyesockets, you could see how tired he was. You could feel it so much more in your current state of being. You could just tell from looking at him that your wish really was a bad idea. Your conversation with him had forced you to gain some perspective on what you wanted, and it wasn't the fate he was stuck with. Your fears that you never got to flesh out had been worked through on this bridge, talking to this poor monster, a shadow of his former self. But you also found yourself... wanting to help the dude out.

“Gaster...” You asked experimentally. When he nodded you continued.

“Is...” God how were you going to say this without it sounding weird? “Do you think there is something I can help you with?”

Okay you _knew_ he hesitated there. You took a step toward him, putting a hand to your chest. “Please at least tell me. I want to know if I can help you.”

He stayed silent.

“You helped me tonight, and I feel with every fiber of my being that I _can_ help you.” You took a breath. “I don't even understand it. I had been so ready, you probably know, for it to end. But now I just really want to help you. Please at least let me know what you want done.”

You phone stayed silent in his hands. But you looked into his eyelights. You were determined to find out what he wasn't telling you.

The mass that was Gaster shifted as though heaving a sigh. 'What I want to ask, is beyond what you can do'

“Try me.”

He chuckled and shook his head, you were ready to jump him when he spoke again.

'I want my sons... to see the sky.'

You blinked.

'I want them to live a fuller life then I let them. I want them to be free. I want the barrier trapping them to be gone.'

The original request sounded so simple, taking for granted how you'd only ever been above ground. It was such a simple thing. For some reason that stuck with you.

He seemed to take your silence for rejection when he continued. 'Like I said... it is beyond'

“I'll do it.”

He seemed to gawk at you.

“I'll do it. Show me how to get there, and I'll get this done.”

'You don't understand, we've been trying for _centuries_.'

“Maybe some fresh eyes will help.”

'You'd be _stuck_ if you don't succeed'

“More reason to succeed than.”

'They might try to _kill_ you.'

You grinned at that. “I haven't died yet.” you let that hang in the air a moment. There was a humming of energy inside you. Even your self-loathing couldn't drown it out. “I'm still alive. Despite everything. And I feel like... I know I can do this.”

“Also I came out here to die anyway, so like. Not much of a difference. Die for no reason, or try to help someone. I'd rather help someone else.”

He frowned at you and you laughed. “If anything, I have you to help me. You didn't let me die here, I don't think you'd let me down there.” You walked up to the monster, sticking your hand out. “I might not be able to do it by myself. But with you I think we can grant your wish.”

He looked down at your hand.

“Lets free the monsters.”

He grasped your hand in his warm smooth one. You'd thought you'd be shaking slime honestly you'd forgotten he had hands.

The darkness intensified as his form wrapped around you. When it receded you were in a completely different place, right in front of a hole in a cave it seemed.

'I won't force you to go. You have to take the first step.'

You looked down the hole. You couldn't really see the bottom. But that was because you could see a weird film a couple inches into the hole. It looked like a bubble, and shone like wet oil on concrete. Unlike the plummet into the rapids, you had no problem jumping here.

 


	4. Skeletor

A car horn rang out, pulling you suddenly from your revelry. You turned around and looked down to see a b-e-a-u-tiful black impala. It honked a couple more times as you watched from the ledge. The door on the car opened to reveal black leather pants mmmm. Then out slid a big, spiky.... skeleton? Hmm... maybe you had had more to drink than you'd thought. You hiccuped and hung onto the beam again. Maybe you'd already died of alcohol poisoning and this was some weird limbo dream.

He seemed to focused on something in front of him, but you were too busy looking him over. Dude had style, that was for damn sure. The torn red scarf was really cool and was that _armor_?

He looked up and you _really_ must have a death wish because the lights in his eyesockets sent a not-scared shiver down your spine. He squinted at you.

“Did you need something?” you wiped at your face sleepily. “I'm trying to kill myself here.”

He somehow managed to look, was that concern? “BEFORE YOU KILL YOURSELF, MOVE YOUR CAR.” He barked. Nope, now you were sure you'd imagined it. He looked unimpressed, guess you misread it because of the haze of booze. And Huh. Emoting skeles... never thought you'd see tha-

“HUMAN!” He said, impatiently. Had you zoned out?

“Wha?” you said intelligently.

“MOVE. YOUR. CAR.” He stated curtly.

You giggled at him. “Silly it's a bike you can just-” You looked down and registered that your car was on the bridge. “How did-” you went to stand up and heard the chime from the keys you had hanging on your pants. Apparently you had driven you car here. That had obviously been a bad idea... “Oh.... opps.” And you'd managed to block traffic on the small bridge with the way it was parked. You were lucky this was such a remote area... wasn't that also why you'd chosen it? You laid back down on the beam and looked at the skeleton.

“Why are you even going this way?” You slurred. “ Isn't the highway faster?”

“I WILL NOT DIGNIFY THAT WITH AN ANSWER.” he said.

“You didn't think of that did you?” You laughed again, bringing your hand up to your face trying to stifle it.

“I WILL **NOT** ANSWER THAT.” He hissed stomping his foot. “NOW BEFORE YOU DO THE WORLD A FAVOR BY ERASING YOUR EXISTENCE OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH.” He stuck his gloved hand up toward you, palm up. “GIVE ME YOUR KEYS SO I CAN GET THIS TRASH OUT OF THE ROAD,” You obediently went for your keys, it's not like you _wanted_ your baby stuck in the middle of this bridge. Dean deserves more than to see you jump. How could you be so inconsiderate.

“AND INTO THE RIVER WHERE HUMANS DUMP THINGS THAT HAVE NO INHERENT WORTH.” You stopped struggling with the key and looked down at the monster who was smirking up at you. Like he won something.

“I'll have you know, Dean is a classic.” You said obstinately, squinting at him disapprovingly. “He is the best, and you're just mean.” You said pouting. And what a jerk, you'd think under normal circumstances that someone coming to this remote place, that it'd be a sign to stop.... but this dude was just telling you to up and die. That sparked …. something in you...

“Having a nice car doesn't give you a license to be a douche.” You called out.

He quirked an eyebrow at that, or at least his equivalent. His eyesockets seemed to squint at you and he offered his hand again.

“GIVE ME THE KEYS HUMAN! I WILL NOT REPEAT MYSELF!”

“What was that?” you called, cupping your hand around your ear, smiling.

“ **GIVE ME THE KEYS HUMAN!** ” he shrieked, stomping on the bridge.

You waited a second before yelling “That sounded a whole lot like you repeating yourself spiky dude!” and laughing again.

“THIS IS POINTLESS.” He growled , massaging his temples. You leaned over to figure out what he was doing when you felt something whiz by your head and heard an impact. You turned to see a glowing red bone sticking out of the beam before it disappeared.

“Isn't it a little early to be throwing bones around? I barely know you Mr. Skeleton” You snickered, covering your mouth.

His sockets narrowed darkly at you as a small army of bones appeared behind him.

You chuckled nervously, maybe taunting the edgy undead dude was not the best idea on your part. He raised his arm and did a yanking motion for some-

You instinctively covered your chest as rejection solidified in your veins. He wasn't supposed to do that! The pull was insistent but you held it in. Stay strong! Keep it- What were you even doing? The slip in your resolve was all that it needed. You felt a pop resonate in your mind and despite your attempts to cover your chest, a glowing heart emerged and phased through you arms leaving your skin electrified.

“fuck!” The word left you before you knew what you were doing and the world shifted to darkness around you. You jumped to follow the heart and cupped it carefully waiting for gravity to bring you back down to a rude awakening on the bridge... Instead you floated down to the b- well to where the bridge used to be. The monster sent the red bones from earlier toward you. Before you could consciously choose to move you manage to dodge the projectiles mid-air just by willing yourself to move from one side or the other. You didn't understand what was going on but this felt a lot like a dream of like a game more then an actual altercation, even though your were pretty _certain_ that this dude was trying to kill you?

And as you thought about it a window appeared in your mind, time seemed to still-

[Fight] [Act] [Item] [Mercy]

You gawked internally. What kind of drugs had you _taken_ that night? Like. You didn't take any... you were pretty sure you hadn't taken any....But, evidence pointed to the contrary.

But, you didn't feel like pressing anything, the act button still lit up as you tried to talk.

“W-what the fuck is happening?” You asked as you floated onto the weird bottom of the dark place you were fighting(?) this guy in. Surprised that it was somehow solid beneath your feet.

“YOU ARE EXPERIENCING THE ONLY **TRUE** WAY OF FIGHTING.” He sent more stuff your way and you dove out of the way.

“That doesn't explain anything!” You yelled back, but jumped again, certain that staying in one place was a really bad idea.

“HUMANS AND USING THEIR MEATSACKS TO FIGHT.” He said. “IS JUST COWARDLY.”

“Like trying to kill someone over a bone joke?” You called back, twisting to miss his newest barrage.

“In your own element?” You continued.

“SILENCE HUMAN!”

You figured you might as well try complying, you needed to figure this dude, and his reasoning asap so you could figure out what you could do.

But he didn't lay off his assault at all. It wasn't until the menu reappeared in your mind again that you had any respite. You decided to try and actually pick through your options. You didn't really have a weapon, like, at all so that [Fight] seemed the least useful. You chose the act that had lit up before. You had two options, [Goad] and [Flirt]. Neither of them seemed like a good idea. You obviously didn't have anything with you so you weren't going to try items. The last one that left you with was [Mercy]. It divided into [Spare] and [Flee].

Running super seemed like a good idea, why hadn't you thought of that earlier? The option lit up as you ran away from the fight.

You didn't make it much of anywhere, you'd run away from the skeleton to end end behind him, as if you'd run all around the world to end up right back here.

His eyes lit up as he turned to look you in the eye, materializing a bone spear in his hand that he pointed the sharp end at you.

“THERE IS NO ESCAPE HUMAN.”He said

“Why?” you asked, diving away from the blade.

“I AM TOO STRONG FOR YOU TO BE ABLE TO RUN FROM THIS BATTLE!” He boasted.

“How-”

“BECAUSE I AM SUPERIOR TO YOU IN EVERY WAY!” he said, cackling, posing proudly. When he's bragging he doesn't seem to attack. How could you use that …

“How-?” Bones, bones everywhere, couldn't really talk.

“BECAUSE I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL PAPYRUS!” He posed again, thank god.

“Why are humans cowards for fighting?” You took a shot in the dark.

“IS IT NOT OBVIOUS?” He cackled.

God fucking.... this is going to get annoying really fast. “ I obviously don't know.” You chimed.

He grinned, full of himself. “THE GREATEST OF FIGHTERS FIGHT WITH THEIR SOULS ON THE LINE.” You looked down to the floating heart again, confused.

“BY EXTENSION FIGHTING WITH YOUR MEATSACKS-” You saw the red glow and jumped to the side as bones embedded in the spot where you used to be. He more bones floated above his hand. “IS AS COWARDLY AS ONE CAN GET.”

“Well I can think of something a lot worse.” You said standing up.

He waited surprisingly enough, a bored expression settling on his skeletal features.

“Attacking a suicidal drunk, and pulling them into some bullshit combat pocket dimension is pretty shitty.”

He grabbed a bone, you could hear him grind his teeth in the void. “Seriously though, you weren't even gonna _try_ to stop me?”

“IF YOU ARE WEAK ENOUGH TO THINK YOU NEED TO DIE.” He spat. “YOU DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE.” Looking down at you.

Hearing him say that so nonchalantly. Say exactly what you'd been telling yourself so long made you recoil. Disgust with that sentiment set a fire to your gut you hadn't felt in a long time. You wanted to prove this motherfucker _wrong_.

You stomped your foot down “YOU- You douche canoe!” One of the bones scraped by your arms

“You're a- a- giant DICKHEAD!” you called out defiantly.

He dropped some of the bones that had been floating nearby. “H-HOW DARE-?” He looked so offended it was almost comical. If you weren't so upset with this fucker.

“You're such a-” _dodge_ “a-” _dodge_. Fuck it.

“A FUCKING FUCKASS BITCHDICK FUCKERNUTTLE!” You were pelted with bone shards, all so you could get that sentence out.

“THAT IS HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE!” He called out glowing (?) in the distance.

“So is MURDER!” you growled.

“IT'S KILL OR BE KILLED IN THIS WORLD!” He screeched, his weapons redoubling in his apparent anger. “AND I REFUSE TO DIE.” He hissed.

From the ceiling came a barrage of bones, you couldn't avoid them all. You fell to the ground. It felt strange, mostly like static was taking over your body, and it was hard to breathe. You instinctively looked down and saw a 7/20 HP next to the little heart that felt so much like you.

It was so dim now, flickering faintly in the darkness. Now that it wasn't so bright you could see spiderweb cracks over the surface, like it was made of glass. It was hollow, just like you... but that light inside kept flickering, like it would be the spark to start a wildfire, stuttering but steady. Because despite everything you had come to do tonight... you didn't _want_ to die. You stood up on static idled limbs cradling the heart. You had to try something- anything to keep going.

The menu pulled up again... if anyone ever asked, you'd been possessed to push the button.

“Did you know the average adult skeleton has 206 bones?”

He quirked a brow-bone at you as the words left your mouth without any effort on your part. “OF COURSE I KNOW THAT, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU ARE _BLIND_. BUT I AM A SKELETON.” He sounded unimpressed.

“Wanna make it 207?” You winked and blew a kiss.

He squinted at you again before the implications processed and his eyesockets widened the bones he had summoned disappeared, and his skull shifted in hue. As did your face honestly, you don't know what you were expecting.

“OF COURSE...” he said dramatically, posing in much the same fashion. “YOU HAVE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH ME!”

You had to hold in a laugh. Despite his edgy appearance he was quite- _dodge_.

“BUT YOU ARE A WORTHLESS HUMAN” He was talking like he was in a soap-opera. “ THE GREAT AND POWERFULL PAPYRUS WOULD NEVER STOOP SO LOW.” he said smugly. “BUT I'LL GRANT YOU THE HONOR OF DYING BY MY HAND! MWEHHEHE!”

You heaved a heavy sigh in your head as you went back to dodging. But the rhythm from before was off...

Despite what he said, the frequency of the bones had changed, and they didn't come in such ferocity as they did before. Maybe it had something to do with that giant attack from earlier. You didn't know if he could do another one of those, but you couldn't afford it that was for sure. You had to distract him somehow.

“Did you sit in sugar?”

“WHA-”

“Cause you got a _sweet ass!_ ” you giggled as that one passed your lips.

His face changed color again as he sputtered.

“QUIT THAT _RIGHT NOW_ HUMAN!”

Apparently this dude wasn't used to this kinda shit. With a flushed face you really didn't have much room to talk. You didn't even think of any of those- if you had you would have _never_ said them aloud. The random nature of the [flirt] button was both hilarious, and entertaining- as it is was embarrassing. You didn't really want to keep saying all of these very suggestive things, you tried to think of something to say instead of pushing the button.

“You have really good bone structure.” you called out, jumping over some bones that appeared under your feet and floating back to the solid ground you were starting to become familiar with. You grinned a bit as his face lit up a little more, didn't get much for that one.

“I AM LITERAL WALKING TALKING WORK OF ART!” He growled, another barrage left you scrambling and maybe a little bit more bruised.

You'd judge him for being vain, he was indeed somewhat attractive. Still... judging. Also judging yourself, that was a horrible attempt at flirting and you knew it. Better leave it to the experts...

_click_

“I have a skeleton in me!” You barely waited before finishing with “I'd like to have another!”

Well _now_ his attacks really got erratic.

You jumped around a little longer, taunting and flirting with the skeleton as his face got redder and redder until it seemed like all of his remaining power had rushed into his face.

“STAY STILL SO I CAN HIT YOU!” he roared.

“I thought you wouldn't stoop so-” You took too long and he whacked you with a large bone clear across the area you'd been running around in. And now your head was staring to feel fuzzy.

Flirting had fucked with him and he seemed to be running low on magic red bone bullshit- of at least you hoped so. You really could NOT survive another hit like that or the one from before... You stood up slowly, carefully keeping an eye on him. Was he really still trying to kill you over – what was it again? Your keys? Fucking hell.

You pulled your metal retracting key-chain off of your pants. “You want my keys?!” You asked.

Realization donned his features, apparently he forgot too.

“NO.”

“What, why?”

“IT'S TOO LATE FOR THAT.” He said.

You looked down at the key in your hand and an idea was born. You looked up at him sternly and grabbed the key tightly. You might be able to do this thing, like, once.

“Come at me bro!” You stuck your tongue out, turned and ran away again, this time spinning the metal circle in your hand. Just like before you spawned behind the monster, who was already turning to face you- his eyes burning. You dropped, slid on the ground and whipped the metal circle thing around his legs. You shifted and pulled as hard as you could on the little metal chain. It bit into your skin harshly, but he went _down_. You scrambled on top of the monster- who was really tall now that you were close to him. You sat down on his chest, pinning his arms down with your legs as you leaned forward on top of him.

“There! Now stop!” you said, putting your hands on either side of his snarling face.

Your blood rushed to your face. Well, this was a compromising situation... Especially because you were suddenly aware of how attractive he seemed???? Despite being maybe a spawn of Satan and being dead- both really big drawbacks- he had a polished look that you found attractive for some reason and realizing you had him _pinned_ under you, didn't help.  
You leaned down. The red glow under you- aaaaand above you. Goddamnit. He could probably just shrug your ass off of him too... So you rolled off of him and ran a short distance away. He untangled the keys and chain from his ankles and looked at you accusationally as he pulled himself to his feet. He threw the mess onto the ground and you gawked.

“Oh COME ON.” you squawked. “Couldn't you just take the keys and let me go? This is fun and all, but I'm done.” You groaned. Wait- what?

He seemed as shocked as you were that you'd said you'd had fun. But honestly you had. Fuck, were you a masochist? The random flirts were funny, as were his reactions. You had started laughing for the first time in what _felt_ like an eternity. Running around like a kid...

“Anyway, give me back my keys and I'll move the car.” Was everything always so fuzzy? It felt like you were fazing in and out of reality.

He seemed to look you over, before meeting your eyes.

“I DIDN'T EXPECT YOU TO PUT UP A FIGHT- IF YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH, WHY ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO GET AWAY?” He said.

Well he had you there honestly, your vision ebbing at the edges. A look to your soul reinforcing what you'd been afraid of. You were down to 2 hp.

“IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYWAYS.” He said. “YOUR SOUL IS BROKEN, DEFECTIVE. YOU WON'T LIVE MUCH LONGER IF IT STAYS THAT WAY ANYWAY.” He said it so matter-of-factly that you could _feel_ it was right. It was even harder to fight against it as the static took over your hands and up your arms.

“If I've made it this far with a broken heart...”You took a breath. When had breathing become so hard? “I should be able to get further.” You murmured hazily. You cupped the poor heart close to you chest, but the world was getting darker, fuzzy at the edges... colder.

He fuckin' snorted at that. “INDEED, YOU WERE GOING TO JUMP... SO THERE MUST BE NO ONE LEFT TO MISS YOU.” His voice dripped with spite. You stayed still as he continued stalking forward.

The red glow caught your attention. Another spear bone. You ignored the imminent doom and looked up into the eyes of the skeleton in front of you.

“YOU ARE A DISGRACE. AND I AM PROFORMING A SERVICE FOR THE WORLD.”

Was he hesitating?

“THIS IS THE ONLY ONE YOU DESERVE.” He was so quiet... He sounded. Remorseful? Regretful? There was only one thing you knew. He was hurt. If you weren't stripped of so much right now you might not have noticed. It felt like he was talking to someone else aside from you. You could feel hot trails on your face as you cried silently. He was lashing out, you've done it too. You've been a victim to it before as well. He was... trying so hard to keep in line with an ideology. He needed help but wasn't asking for it. Just like you.

His face scrunched up as he looked down at you and you reached out to him. Arms open to offer him a hug, maybe to ask for a hug? In this tired bleak fuzz, who could really even tell anymore. He raised his arm, aiming for your soul.... Instead puncturing the black ground.

“STOP DOING THAT!” he shouted, one gloved hand gripping the side of his skull he fell to his knees. His eyes screwed shut. “STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!”

“DON'T YOU DARE PITY ME!” He screamed. Even in this close proximity you could barely hear it. It was more of a feeling. You put your hand onto his breastplate, you could _feel_ his soul screaming about a loved one. And the colors came rushing back. You focused on his face to see that he was, yep. He was crying.

His desperate desire to find a loved one reminded you...

You had people waiting for you.

You had people who loved you.

“I AM GREATER THAN YOU ARE! AND STRONGER!”

You could feel your soul beat in time with your steadily growing heartbeat, getting stronger. You needed to help. This asshole needed help and you were going to give it to him.

He growled. “ **I SAID STOP**!”

He went to grab the bone again, to stab your soul no doubt, but right then a bubble grew from it enveloping the both of you and pushing the harmful magic out of your immediate vicinity. It definitely shocked the skeleton. In fact, he seemed like he was ready to kill you again; but, the bubble took you both to the side of another skeleton dressed in red and black who was knocked out in a bare bed holding a bottle of mustard of all things.

“BROTHER?”

The one next to you seemed bewildered to say the least, you could more _feel_ it than see it.

“He's safe” You said. Somehow you knew that's what he needed to see. God you were tired. The bubble collapsed back into your soul and you were in the darkness of the battle zone again. But you couldn't even see the skeleton that had been sitting next to you. There was only static.

Guess you died... Well _fuck._

  


  


  


  


Your head was killing you. Literally. It felt like your mind was slowly and painfully being broken down molecule by _molecule_. And you could smell vomit....You opened your eyes tentatively to see the beginnings of the sun on the horizon looking around. You where in the passenger seat of your own car. You looked down and around to find- no vomit. In your driver's seat was some food, and a note.

You worked through the ringing in your head picking up the paper. Ooooh your keys were there too!  


WORTHLESS HUMAN,

I HAVE DONE THE BEST HORRIBLE THING EVER. YOU WANTED TO DIE SO I LET YOU LIVE! MUAHAHAHA!

GENIUS I KNOW.

SIGNED,

THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS.

Oh my goodness. Laughing was a terrible thing to be doing right now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only reason this took so long is because I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to Pap to have killed his Sans, if someone in the underground did it, or if he'd told him to kill himself before disappearing... Obviously I chose the last one because I didn't like the implications of the other choices. xD  
> Also, Skeletor is not a spawn of Satan in this one because I just couldn't work with that. Sooo....? Idk. :P


	5. No one

You heaved a heavy sigh, sitting back down on the iron beam. Why did everything have to be messed up?  
You scratched at the peeling paint absentmindedly, taking a moment to look up at the night sky. You knew it was nighttime, but there were so many clouds in the way that you had no way of actually knowing. Maybe the world had gone through it's end. Maybe you were an echo of humanity on a desolate rock flying through space. Maybe everything you knew was a lie, and this action wouldn't have any lasting consequences.  
Maybe your existence was part of a large computer simulation and you're just one of the statistics for projected suicides. Maybe you'd be one of the few that would survive and be destroyed for life.  
Maybe- maybe you were at a crossroad. You could be a really important piece of history and your death would fuck up the future immensely, or maybe....  
Maybe you needed to stop inventing grandiose hypotheticals to make you second-guess your choice to be here tonight. You had made up your mind. No turning back.  
There was no room for 'what ifs' right now. You had to do it now while you still...still...  
“I don't want to die....” You muttered sadly into the cool air, breathing it in, trying to calm down. You looked out over the water at the mountains

“I'm so tired of thinking about this.” There was no one here to hear you, but it was still hard to say out loud. You took a deep ,shuddering breath.  
“What if I could just be, a normal kid who only sometimes gets sad.”You whined. "And when I get sad, I'd know that it's only for a short while?" You sniffled.  
“Not..” you look down your arms, all of the scars there that won't let you forget. You, you are not normal. You passed your hand over the scar tissue up the side of your face and down your arm.  
Your persistence that had gotten you to the ledge faded as you crumpled up and cried. You hugged your frame, shivering in the wind.  
“I can't-” you choked out. “I can't change though!” you whispered, rubbing the tears away in futility.  
You bit your fist, trying to muffle your cries. Your cries for help, for understanding, for patience, for peace. It took a while for you to calm down. You stared out wistfully over the edge as the wind flitted around you.  
You turned to the sky as if it held the answer.  
“I-” you sobbed. “I want to be better.”  
“I want to believe in me, so I can live... live for real instead of just existing.” You bit your lip. It was dumb talking to the sky, but with it's dark clouds and the rumbling in the distance, you felt it was the best option.  
Once you felt that cold drop on your cheek, you knew what was going to happen.   
The rain fell for you and you smiled as the pour grew.  
It didn't matter that you didn't have a hand in it. But it felt like the sky was crying for you. Crying all the tears you wanted to but could never manage. The lightening lashing out for you. The rolling thunder screaming for you. You closed your eyes and took it all in. The cold rain felt nice on your skin, even on the numb parts leaving tingles up and down your arm.   
The breaths came easier now, but even if you liked the rain- you were starting to get cold, maybe you should delete tha- Fuck your phone....Well it's probably ruined now, gotta go home to take care of that.  
You stood up slowly so you wouldn't slip when a POP rang from behind you and a gust of wind hit you from behind. With your shoes slick you slid right off of the ledge.  
It was so strange, you had wanted to do this on your own. You came here for the express purpose of jumping off of that spot. And now you were falling. But you did not want to be.  
So you stopped.  
It took a bleary second for you to realize that you had just willed yourself not to fall. You looked around, it was still raining but... You looked behind you to see a glowing pair of wings.  
Your rational mind told you, no, this is not a thing that is happening because it can't. It can't be happening.  
But on another level, it felt like home. Like this is where you were always meant to be.Your wings were HUGE, but it was hard to look at them up here, they were keeping you up. So you went back to the bridge, landing lightly on the concrete you look back again and grab them. They had give like jellly, they were transparent and pulsing your favorite shade.  
You dove off the bridge again and took to the sky.  
Your fear of falling gone as you flew faster than you could ever run. Up, and over and under. The cold was gone even in the wind. A power within you kept you warm as you flew and flew and flew. All the way home to show your friends.


End file.
